I really feel like I've been a huge asshole for the last year or so, and I want to apologize for that. I got way too caught up in the shipping debates and in this idea that I was somehow "protecting minors and children" to constantly argue about shipping stuff, to literally tell people to die and glorify suicide, to "wake people up" about their not being as deep into discourse and not as interested in ethical and moral debates as I was, to rant about how things that are entirely unconnected to some sort of abuse or social injustice were, to become so focused on morals and ethics and "being a good person" and that somehow being constantly enraged and constantly combative was a good and ethical thing. I became really just an unpleasant and scary person to be around, and I don't know if anyone I have been such a bother to will even read this or care (and you don't have to, and you don't ever have to try to reestablish any friendship with me or trust with me because I get too well that my changing sides around important debates makes me as equally jerkish and untrustworthy as my favorite XG character ) but I'm just throwing it out there.
Does that mean I'm okay with people being creepy about kids or supportive of whatever social injustices or harms are done? No. Not at all. It does mean I've realized rage isn't the right response to almost anything, that wishing people dead or telling them to die over anything (except perhaps hurting real children or animals directly, with valid evidence they are doing so) is unacceptable and not productive for any sort of discourse or social change, that most shipping stuff really is just fiction and enjoyment of it...
And most of all that people can have varying views on specific issues (like what's okay at Pride, what media one can enjoy, etc etc) without those views reflecting on them as a person (unless it's something like supporting trump or being a Nazi or supporting the IRL age of consent being dropped or thinking (marginalized people) shouldn't exist/should only exist the way you want them to - those views DO make you a shitty person I don't want to interact with, but liking a music contest without knowing or caring Israel sponsored it or enjoying a specific food without contemplating how it's made and animal suffering involved, or writing an 18 or 19 year old fictional character with an older one, or just not wanting to do Discourse at all or hear about the latest controversy/abuser callout/etc at all doesn't make someone bad...)
All I know now is that I'm not ever telling anyone to die again for any reason or going off on someone for shipping anything in and of itself (and yes, there I mean ANYTHING, although if you draw/post a lot of l*li art I will block because that stuff repulses me) and... I just feel like so regretful that I let my want to be a better, more ethical, more socially just person instead made me an absolute untrustworthy, unreliable, unpredictable dick and made me do harm to people who gave me chances as a friend, to be selfloathing and buy into stuff spread by bigots (such as the entire kink at pride discourse), and I just want to say I'm sorry. To everyone.
(and, whatever kind of hypocrite you might think I am for that, a word of warning - I'm probably going back to writing some certain Xenogears couples I really do like, on realizing why I liked them and that why isn't and wasn't some sort of ethical/moral deficiency I must hate myself and others over and compensate for by being super ragey just so people know I am "really a good safe person," and that I've had it with both proships and antis as movements. I am no longer either one but take things on a case by case basis per their setting, and am just going to go back to using actual ability to interpret fiction and enjoy it rather than trying to shove it into a Good And Moral or Bad and You Are Bad approach. So if you are a minor or do not want to see any content with the Citan/Fei or Citan/Id or Bart/Billy ships even with Fei/Id at least 18 and most likely much older, and Billy aged up to at least 20 and set several years after Xenogears canon - or referring to them even with no explicit NSFW scenes- I would recommend you preemptively block/DNI me and block the pairings from any Archive of our Own search as they may start appearing again soon...)
Anyway, for what it's worth, I am sorry (for real) and I do apologize to all who I've bothered, hurt, come off as super cringe, or whatever else to, and again, I don't expect anything from this or want anything from it, except to say it, and to try to explain getting myself out of the Discourse swamp for good...
Does that mean I'm okay with people being creepy about kids or supportive of whatever social injustices or harms are done? No. Not at all. It does mean I've realized rage isn't the right response to almost anything, that wishing people dead or telling them to die over anything (except perhaps hurting real children or animals directly, with valid evidence they are doing so) is unacceptable and not productive for any sort of discourse or social change, that most shipping stuff really is just fiction and enjoyment of it...
And most of all that people can have varying views on specific issues (like what's okay at Pride, what media one can enjoy, etc etc) without those views reflecting on them as a person (unless it's something like supporting trump or being a Nazi or supporting the IRL age of consent being dropped or thinking (marginalized people) shouldn't exist/should only exist the way you want them to - those views DO make you a shitty person I don't want to interact with, but liking a music contest without knowing or caring Israel sponsored it or enjoying a specific food without contemplating how it's made and animal suffering involved, or writing an 18 or 19 year old fictional character with an older one, or just not wanting to do Discourse at all or hear about the latest controversy/abuser callout/etc at all doesn't make someone bad...)
All I know now is that I'm not ever telling anyone to die again for any reason or going off on someone for shipping anything in and of itself (and yes, there I mean ANYTHING, although if you draw/post a lot of l*li art I will block because that stuff repulses me) and... I just feel like so regretful that I let my want to be a better, more ethical, more socially just person instead made me an absolute untrustworthy, unreliable, unpredictable dick and made me do harm to people who gave me chances as a friend, to be selfloathing and buy into stuff spread by bigots (such as the entire kink at pride discourse), and I just want to say I'm sorry. To everyone.
(and, whatever kind of hypocrite you might think I am for that, a word of warning - I'm probably going back to writing some certain Xenogears couples I really do like, on realizing why I liked them and that why isn't and wasn't some sort of ethical/moral deficiency I must hate myself and others over and compensate for by being super ragey just so people know I am "really a good safe person," and that I've had it with both proships and antis as movements. I am no longer either one but take things on a case by case basis per their setting, and am just going to go back to using actual ability to interpret fiction and enjoy it rather than trying to shove it into a Good And Moral or Bad and You Are Bad approach. So if you are a minor or do not want to see any content with the Citan/Fei or Citan/Id or Bart/Billy ships even with Fei/Id at least 18 and most likely much older, and Billy aged up to at least 20 and set several years after Xenogears canon - or referring to them even with no explicit NSFW scenes- I would recommend you preemptively block/DNI me and block the pairings from any Archive of our Own search as they may start appearing again soon...)
Anyway, for what it's worth, I am sorry (for real) and I do apologize to all who I've bothered, hurt, come off as super cringe, or whatever else to, and again, I don't expect anything from this or want anything from it, except to say it, and to try to explain getting myself out of the Discourse swamp for good...